


The Poopy Loopy Novel

by girl_interrupted_420_69



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, I wrote this in seventh grade, I'm Going to Hell, Multi, Romance, This Is STUPID, This hurts, bros to more than bros, but only for me, don't hurt me please, it keeps escalating somehow, its just dudes being bros, ow ow ow ow ow the hellfire burns, sorry daddy i made an oopsie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 18:40:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30026130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_interrupted_420_69/pseuds/girl_interrupted_420_69
Summary: The #1 Romance NovelChrollumisoka...dont hurt me i wrote this in seventh grade
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Illumi Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Hisoka & Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka/Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer, Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	1. Poopy Loopy - and so it begins

**Author's Note:**

  * For [biggest_girl_interrupted_420_69_fan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/biggest_girl_interrupted_420_69_fan/gifts).



> i am in pain and now so will you be.

It’s been exactly 3 weeks since Hisoka left, and Chrollo has felt nothing but suspicion from the moment he closed the door. It was not a dank feeling, and a non-dank feeling is not a good feeling. 

“I DON’T FEEL DANK ENOUGH FOR FULL SATISFACTION.” Chrollo randomly blurted out for no reason cause he’s a buttface. He stood up angrily and walked back to Illumi’s basement (his only home), forming the best plan in the history of histories. To hack Hisoka’s ggmail.

Chrollo had a feeling that Hisoka was cheating on him and Illumi with T Y R O N E (from the backyardigans) cause T Y R O N E was the biggest bae of Da chood (the Ch being pronounced like Chanukah). But there was one problem. Chrollo no know Hisoka’s psswrd & usrnam. Luckily, Chrollo’s IQ was the highest in the block: 4. And using this knowledge to his power, he remembered that he can find out Hisoka’s usrnam if he looks at the “friend” bar on HIS ggmail.

After 420 minutes of running like Naruto, Chrollo reached Illumi’s household. Illumi was sleep talking on the couch, murmuring under his breath, “Canary so hawt.” Chrollo went to the basement and got on the compoopter entering ggmail. He entered his usrnam; Chrollol, and his psswrd; Chrollol, It WORKDE (work work work work work work). As soon as Chrollo was in, he couldn’t help but stare at his beautiful background of Snoop Dogg for 3 hours straight. It was hard to ignore Snoop’s misty red eyes but Chrollo had to be strong and look away. After 57 minutes of hardcore searching, he found his friend bar. It was easy to spot Hisoka’s illuminati icon, so Chrollo found out his usrnam with ease. Pedo4Lyfe. Now all Chrollo had to do was find out Hisoka’s psswrd.

Chrollo then signed out of his account and entered Hisoka’s usrnam instead of his own. He typed in a random psswrd; Fudgebutt. It didn’t work. He tried once again; Ernj-Jews. It nu work work work work work work. Chrollo tried one last psswrd; PartyFarty124. It ne work pas. Along with Chrollo’s failure, a red flag popped up, warning that the account will be disabled if they got 2 more psswrds rong. Chrollo couldn’t risk disabling Hisoka’s ggmail for it was to dank to delete. 

Suddenly, Chrollo sniffle snuffled a dank presence approaching Illumi’s basement. He knew it wasn’t Illumi because Illumi was a butt sniffer and he no dank. Chrollo then whispered quieetly, “Hiserker, come in mah luv”. Hisoka walked in like a model, doing splits and all dat pizzazzle. He approached Chrollo’s ear and softly whispered, “Hey babe, I came over for a playdate” and grunted suggestively. “Yey let’s play prkrmrn <3” Chrollo winked, “We’ll have sooooooo much fun toogethr.” That comment made Hisoka smile, he couldn’t wait to win a prkrmrn brttle.  
Chrollo whipped out his purple glitterfizzled 3DS, and took out his Prkrmrn Gamechip from his leather black jacket. Before he put it in, Chrollo kissed the gamechip and popped it in with a fabulous “click”. Hisoka did the same with his Magenta sparkledizzled DSI. It had a giant sticker of Mr. Mime printed on it cause clowns have to stick together. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

After 90 minutes of connecting, Chrollo and Hisoka started a prkrmrn brttle. Hisoka summoned his Magikarp and Chrollo got out his Metapod. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. Magikarp used Splash. Metapod used Harden. 

The prkrmrn brttle was very intense. Both Hisoka and Chrollo’s fingers were sweating from pressing the same button over and over again. Their PP was very low and they didn’t bring any other prkrmrn to fight. Since Chrollo was a heavy alcoholic, he got a cold bottle of vodka out of nowhere. Hisoka thought it was water and started drinking the bottle. Chrollo did the same cause y not.  
6 hours have past and somehow Chrollo and Hisoka aren’t dead, but drunk. Like, reeeaaaalllllyyyyyyy drunk. Flat out wasted. Chrollo could barely speak and Hisoka’s words were either murmurs or slurs. 

Chrollo was laying on the ground. He looked over at Hisoka’s direction. “Hiserker mah luv, wahts ur psswrd…?” Chrollo whispered.

Hisoka wasn't listening, instead he was singing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little star’ in French like the drunk duck he was. 

Chrollo asked again: “Babe, *hic* waht's ur stoopypoopy psswrd you butt shnuffler?” And finally hisoka lifted his head and said, “Did I hear poopy? That's part of my psswrd. Did u know my psswrd was Poopyloopy123?” and smiled drunkinly. 

Chrollo was all like, “Lol ‘kay.” And wobbled over to the compoopter. He typed it in the psswrd box and logged into Hisoka's ggmail account. T’was a success. 

Chrollo looked through his ggmail account, but he was too drunk to read anything. So he looked at Hisoka’s background. 

Oh no… It couldn't be… Thought Chrollo as he looked at the background. Hisoka had a picture of another person. Not Chrollo, Not Illumi, and not Snoop Dogg, but of a new lover h found. This was worse than he thought. Hisoka was cheating. But he wasn't cheating on them with T Y R O N E. Rather, Hisoka was cheating, with himself. 

Chrollo knew this cause he was very smart with his high IQ of 4, he could definitely tell that Hisoka set his ggmail background to himself because he loves himself so much, that he would rather be with himself than with Chrollo and Illumi. This broke Chrollo’s heart #rip. Chrollo could never speak to Hisoka ever again. But he screenshotted the selfie cus it was 2 dank 2 ignore. He had to tell this to Illumi before the conditions got worse.


	2. Litl Bruthr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> o lord save me from my sins

Illumi luved his litl bruthr. In fact, he was dreaming about stroking his soft puffball hair. It reminded him of a cheerleader pompom. Chrollo stumbled out of the basement and stumbled in and yelled, “MAH GAWD ILLUMI GUESS WHHEEAUT” he could contnue spitting out his words, the door flung open.

“I. AM. HERE. I. AM. QUEER. DEAL WITH IT!!” A familiar voice screeched. Chrollo turned his head to look at the door. He spotted Gahn standing next to Illumi’s toats ma goats adorbs litl bruthr, Killua. Killua was doing a jazz hands and other razzle dazzle dance moves that would prabably turn on Hisoka. They pazzazzled together once. 

Gahn plopped on the floor like the disney princess that he is. Ging would have been disappointed, but probably a little turned on. Everyone wants Gahn. Everyone. Even that blond bimbo bahtch. And that t a s t y c r e a m - f i l l e d c o o k i e. 

Killua flopped on top of Gahn right after cause he didn’t want to be left out. Illumi followed them, tumbling across the floor and falling on Killua cause Illumi loves his litl bruthr. MMMMMMMMMMM so much. Chrollo stood up and was all like, “Don’t leav meh bruhs.” And joined them in the weird pile they formed. Hisoka was still in the basement trying to win the prkrmrn brttle even though his DSI died already. He was way too drunk. Poop hehe. ← A mark that Jacob Brick was here. 

Gahn took in a deep breath and started spitting all over the place. Why? No one knows why, Gahn is reeeeeaaaaally weird. Gahn stopped spitting randomly blurted out, “MY NAME IS SHORTENED FOR GONORRHEA!” Chrollo was all like “Wut.” and Illumi was all like, “Butt.” and Killua wus all lik “That’s hawt..”Hisoka ran up from the basement and grumbled, “I heard butt, I luv butt”. Chrollo looked at Hisoka and yelled, “U CHEETAH CHEATED CHEATERRRRRR!” Chrollo’s nose twitched like a lamb. “You can’t tell me what to dooooooooo” Killua said, “You’re not my mawwm”. “...Litl Bruthr…” Illumi murmured under his breath in response.

Gahn’s Green Shizzle Wizzle coat was sparkling in the rays of the sun, so majestically. Killua blushed, but his skin is so pale, that you couldn’t see the red pop up on his fishy cheeks. “Gahn ur so beaut” complimented Killua. Gahn was fast asleep and drooling. He was probably dreaming about his father drooling in sync with them. Gahn has a weird imagination.

Killua looked up at Gahn and asked, “Dear Disney Princess, will you eat mah hair?” Gahn looked at Killua and was all like, “ NAH. BRACALLI HAIRCUT IS ENOUGH” Illumi snapped, “BEXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUrUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE MEH.” He spun his neck in a circle like an owl, “You think you can eat all dat hair by yoself.” Illumi was pissed. So Chrollo told Hisoka to call Elmo. Hisoka wipped his White Fluggerbuttered Mime Jr. phone and called Elmo. Elmo answered with a deep voice, “Waht u want.” Chrollo squealed. Elmo got the memo. “Im coming right over” he said in his usual pappy voice. In under 3 milliseconds Elmo called over Mickey Mouse.

Netero was eating his shoo fly pie when he realized he needed little boy. “I NEED LEETLR BOI.” He realized loud. 

Netero know where to find leetle boi. Because green pea man was also GPS. Netero followed GPS green pea man and finally reached the house of Illumi. Yes. He smiled. Here there is leetle boi because there is leetle boi smelly smell in nose. 

Chrollo was dying on the inside. (so am i chrollo, so am i...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> grab a bucket and a mop for the tears rolling from my glistening orbs that cascade dramatically down my facial cheeks.

**Author's Note:**

> 🎶🎵  
> Like fire  
> Hellfire  
> This fire in my skin  
> This burning  
> Desire  
> Is turning me to sin
> 
> [Verse 2]  
> It's not my fault  
> (Mea culpa)  
> I'm not to blame  
> It is the gypsy girl  
> The witch who sent this flame  
> (Mea maxima culpa)  
> It's not my fault  
> (Mea culpa)  
> If in God's plan  
> (Mea culpa)  
> He made the devil so much  
> Stronger than a man  
> (Mea maxima culpa)
> 
> Protect me, Maria  
> Don't let this siren cast her spell  
> Don't let her fire sear my flesh and bone  
> Destroy Esmeralda  
> And let her taste the fires of hell  
> Or else let her be mine and mine alone  
> 🎶🎵🎵💕😔🤭


End file.
